What more can the airlines charge for? You'd be surprised

Tom Barlow
Updated

American Airlines has announced a $15 per bag charge for the first checked bag on its flights. Yet still the industry claims to be reeling in the wake of spiking fuel costs. Since it seems hell-bent on avoiding raising ticket prices accordingly, look for the airlines to turn to other ways to increase their revenue or lower expenses per flight. How long before they try these tactics:

  • "This ticket is for takeoff only, sir; you'll have to buy another to land."

  • 1 passenger x (191 pounds at @4.99 a pound) =

  • All the coffee you want, pay toilets.

  • "Welcome to our Supersaver class. You'll be sitting on Mr. Tuberman's lap until we reach Phoenix; then you'll swap places."

  • Premium air, never breathed, available by the minute via the dropdown masks.

  • Lap dances with the attendent, $100 plus tips.

  • Lap dances with the pilot, $1000 plus tips.

  • Watch the lap dances, $20 plus tips.

  • Landing with the Stars.

  • Free Mr. Bean movies.

  • For $20 per passenger, the Bean movie will not be shown.

  • Slot machines on the back of every seat.

  • Those bicycle pedals beneath each seat? As we approach the end of the runway, pedal like hell.

  • Life jacket auction!

Advertisement