Preposterous products: Cigarettea: No tar, no nicotine, tons of potential!


Okay, I'm going to start by saying that I deeply, deeply hate Carrot Top. From the tip of his Bozo-the-clown hairdo to his Pippi Longstocking-on-crack clothing, to his bizarrely buff physique, there is absolutely nothing about him that doesn't freak me out. He's like a terrifying cross between Joan Crawford and a Roman candle and I sometimes make my wife check under the bed to make sure that he's not hiding there.

That having been said, I think prop comedy can be excellent, particularly when it disgusts or disturbs the audience. I still grin uncontrollably when I remember watching Chris Elliot guzzle bottles of cooking oil or seeing Penn and Teller cut snakes in half. I laughed out loud when I saw the Jim Rose Circus sideshow and I have fond memories of terrifying my sister Sue with a plastic severed finger, fake blood, and a half-chopped carrot.

Recently, one of the Walletpop editors turned me on to an incredibly cool item that has already become my latest obsession: cigarette tea. Shaped like cigarettes and sporting floatable filters that make it possible to pluck your "butts" out of your teacup without getting your fingers wet, Cigarettea is bound to become the basis for a lot of great practical jokes. I'm already looking forward to the horrified look on my sister's face when she sees me drinking out of a beer bottle with a cigarette butt floating in it. Of course, she's in her thirties now, but I still think I can get her to flip her wig.

Oh, yeah: Cigarettea will also, supposedly, contain Ceylon tea, which is cool, too. Particularly if you like tea.

Unfortunately, cigarettea is only a vision at the moment, but I'm betting someone will put it into production soon. In the meantime, I'm just going to laugh maniacally while imagining my sister's expression of utter disgust and repulsion.

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He doesn't really like tea, but is always willing to sacrifice his taste buds for an immature and moronic practical joke.