How the flat-broke concert loving dude can score free tickets


In Dr. Strangelove, General Ripper starts WWIII because he is convinced the commies wanted to sap his precious bodily fluids. Now comes news of a ground-breaking idea in the entertainment and conception business that does just that. Sperm For Tickets is an Irish internet-based business that has been test-marketing the concept of offering free tickets to the European music gathering in exchange for precious bodily fluids.

Apparently, the site's clients, clinics in Ireland strapped for male seed, are looking for access to the swimmers of healthy, music-loving guys. Unfortunately, for you, our reader, the company was swamped with respondents that requested a 'donation pack', i.e. specimen bottle and courier mailer, and followed through as directed in order to claim their free tickets.

According to, sperm donations in Ireland had dried up by 40%. Here, they seem to have hit the mother lode with this concept (although I suspect Sperm for Beer would do even better).

Now, if we could only get them to discard the seed of those who choose tickets to see (band you despise the most).

Originally published