A million dollar idea: Breakup service

My wife buys a lot of so-called "women's magazines," which means that, when I'm looking around for something to distract me for a few minutes, I often end up reading "O," "Glamour," or some other double-x chromosome literature. Far from regretting this trend, I'm incredibly happy. You see, while other people are worrying about North Korean nuclear missiles, Iraqi nuclear programs, or Pakistani nuclear scientists, I'm able to focus on the real problems, the most pressing issues of our age.

Topping the list: bad breakups.

I've recently found myself deluged with information about the best way to break up with someone. From what I've been able to glean, the increasing power of the internet and text messaging, coupled with massively decreasing social skills, has led to a veritable avalanche of bad breakups, bruised feelings, and shrill recriminations. In many ways, our celebrities have led the way: from Mia Farrow's discovery of nude pictures of Sun-Yee to Rudy Giuliani's breakup with Donna Hanover during a press conference, the movers and shakers have demonstrated that, when it comes to ending a relationship, emotional generosity definitely takes a back seat to efficiency and self-indulgence.