20 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Masturbation
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Fun fact: Masturbation can be awesome! In fact, a lot of teens do it, and enjoying it doesn’t make you weird. So, why masturbate? Teen sex health outlet Sex Etc said it best: “Masturbation is a good way to learn about your body and your sexual feelings without the complications that can come when you have sex or do sexual things with someone else.” You can feel good without having to worry about risks like unwanted pregnancy or contracting an STD.
Which is why, if you’re wondering how it is that you get aroused or what arousal feels like, masturbation is a great way to learn about sexual pleasure and your body. And we’re talking about more than just your genitals. Your bod has various erogenous zones, which are areas of your body that are more sensitive than others. Think: your ears, neck, inner thighs, nipples... the list goes on.
Beyond learning about your body, masturbating will also help you gain insight into what you like and don’t like sexually, and what gets you in the mood. You might like to listen to sensual music and dim the lights before you try masturbating. Maybe there’s a time of day that you feel particularly turned on. Perhaps there’s literotica fan fiction that makes you feel all the things. Don’t be afraid to experiment and see what works for you. There is no right or wrong way to masturbate!
So, if your sex ed class skipped over the masturbation spiel, or you simply want to learn more, we talked to Ellen Kate Friedrichs, a health and sexuality educator and writer in Brooklyn, New York, to find out everything you need to know.
1. Masturbation refers to touching your own body for sexual pleasure. Like your vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, breasts, or anus.
2. But it can involve more than just your vagina. Your sex ed classes might have glossed over the clitoris (located at the top of the vulva), but most people actually experience pleasure through clitoral stimulation, not vaginal penetration. A 2017 study from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy surveyed 1,055 women in the United States, ages 18 to 94, and found that 37 percent required clitoral stimulation to orgasm, compared with 18 percent of women who indicated that vaginal penetration alone was enough to reach orgasm. Meanwhile, an additional 36 percent of women said that although clitoral stimulation was not necessary for orgasm, it made the experience more pleasurable.
3. Masturbation is totally normal. In their 2021 Global Self-Pleasure Report, sex toy company TENGA reported that in a sample size of 1,000 Americans aged 18 to 54, 82 percent of women masturbate. Meanwhile, one 2016 study from the Journal of Sex Research found that 85.5 percent of female participants said they masturbated at some point in their lives, starting at an average age of 13 and 14.
4. Guys do it, too. That same study from the Journal of Sex Research found that 98.9 percent of male participants have masturbated, starting around ages 12 and 13. The 2021 TENGA report also found that 90 percent of men in the United States masturbate.
5. It doesn’t make you a bad/weird/gross person. Masturbation is not weird or gross. On the flip side, if you don’t masturbate, that doesn’t mean you’re a prude or that there’s something wrong. Masturbation is a totally normal way to get more in tune with your sexuality, but if it isn’t for you, NBD.
6. It’s a helpful way to learn about your body. No two bodies are the same, so no two people like the exact same rhythms or movements. It’ll likely take some trial and error to figure out exactly what works for you, and it might be easier to do this without the pressure of having a partner with you. “You can learn about your body before you ever have sex with a partner and then, down the line, you can show a partner what you like,” Friedrichs explains.
7. You might have an orgasm. When a person is aroused, their muscles tense up. An orgasm is the release of all that tension, plus a rush of an endorphin called serotonin, which spills into your blood stream. “These chemicals can cause intensely pleasurable feelings and can make someone feel happy, giddy, or sleepy,” Friedrichs says. “It can be hard to tell if you have had an orgasm since everybody will experience orgasm a bit differently. But if you think of it like a roller coaster ride, with the moment before you descend being the peak of orgasm, it can help.”
8. Orgasms don’t happen instantly. “Don’t give up, even if you think it isn’t working,” Friedrichs says, estimating that it might take you anywhere between a minute or an hour (or more) to orgasm.
9. But an orgasm isn’t necessary to enjoy the experience. “While orgasms are nice and most people can learn to orgasm, if you like masturbating and aren’t orgasming, that’s fine too,” Friedrichs adds.
10. It’s the safest form of sex. Yep, masturbation is a form of sex — solo sex. And since there’s no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, you can enjoy it without worrying about your health or safety.
11. You should wash your hands first. Clean hands prevent introducing bacteria into your body. When you’re getting intimate, clean hands = the best kind of hands.
12. Make sure to pee when you’re done. One common cause of urinary tract infections (which can make you feel like you need to constantly pee and potentially lead to more serious complications) is when gastrointestinal bacteria from the anus accidentally travels into the urethra, according to the Mayo Clinic. You might have heard that you can get a UTI from wiping the wrong way when using the bathroom — back to front, instead of front to back — but they can also occur if you touch your anus before touching your vagina (even if your finger just grazes the area accidentally). Peeing helps flush out any potential bacteria.
13. You can masturbate and still be a virgin. “Most people believe that a virgin is someone who hasn’t had sex with another person, not someone who has never had anything in their vagina,” Friedrichs explains. So if you insert a finger inside your vagina, but haven’t had sex with a partner, you could still consider yourself a virgin.
14. Masturbating won’t decrease your ability to enjoy being with a partner. Masturbating won’t damage your genitals or suddenly make you looser down there, and it won’t ruin your ability to enjoy sex with a partner — those are both myths. Some people engage in mutual masturbation, which means masturbating with a partner. But if there is a presence of semen or vaginal fluids and you’re with another person, there is a risk of STDs. If you touch someone’s genitals, protect yourself and make sure to wash your hands before touching your own. And if you’re using a sex toy with a partner, make sure to wash it and put a condom on it beforehand.
15. If your boyfriend or girlfriend masturbates, it doesn’t mean they’re not into you. You can be totally satisfied with your relationship and still touch yourself. “Sometimes people worry about this out of insecurity, or because they have a misunderstanding about what masturbating is all about,” Friedrichs says, noting that a lot of people report masturbating more often when they’re happy in their relationships. So if anything, you could take your partner’s actions as a compliment.
16. You can use toys as well. Sex toys aren’t just for having sex. According to the Journal of Sex Research study cited above, 43 percent of women indicated “sometimes” using a toy when they are masturbating, compared to 13 percent of men. TENGA also found in their 2021 report that 66 percent of women in the U.S. aged 18 to 54 have used sex toys before.
17. It can help you deal with stress. According to Planned Parenthood, having an orgasm releases endorphins, which can make you feel better and help you relieve some stress.
18. Masturbation can help you with your period cramps. Yup, you read that right. Those same endorphins can be a natural pain killer for your period cramps, says Planned Parenthood.
19. You can do it everyday. While you may be worried about masturbating “too much,” it’s totally normal to do it once (or even twice) a day. According to Planned Parenthood, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of spending time with friends, family, school, activities, etc., you’re in the clear.
20. It can help you sleep. Some experts suggest including masturbation in your nighttime routine and doing it right before you go to sleep. One study from Biological Psychology shows that having an orgasm increases the production of prolactin in the body, a sleep-inducing hormone.
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