133 Halloween puns and one-liners that are a total scream

133 Halloween puns and one-liners that are a total scream

What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog. Why did the zombie eat brains? He wanted food for thought.

If you’re booing right now, thank you, thank you very much. We'll be here all night. We'd apologize for all the bad-but-good Halloween puns, but booing is exactly what Halloween is all about, right?

Also, it’s next to impossible not to laugh, because however corny, silly puns, one-liners and dad jokes are funny, especially when they involve everyone's favorite haunted holiday.

That’s why we’ve brewed up a spellbinding batch of the best Halloween puns to help tickle your funny bone or give your Instagram a fang-tastic caption.

Need a witch pun to accompany your “Hocus Pocus” costume? Try "This is my resting witch face."

Or, if you plan on going in more of a Bram Stoker “Dracula” direction, finding the right pun to use for Halloween shouldn't be a, shall we say, pain in the neck, because this collection of includes plenty of vampire puns, as well as witch, ghost, pumpkin, zombie and monster puns, too.

In fact, we’ve covered all the bases, so whatever you've got on the Halloween docket this year, read on and you’ll be stocked with enough puns to ensure that even the dead will be rolling over in their graves giggling.

Halloween puns

  • Witch way to the party?

  • Let's boo this!

  • Meow you're talking!

  • Deja boo!

  • Squad ghouls.

  • You've got hex appeal.

  • I'm just here for the boo's.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • It's the most wonderful time of the fear.

  • If you've got it, haunt it.

  • Where my ghouls at?

  • Creepin' it real.

  • Someone's spoiling for a fright.

  • Who brought the boo's?

  • Don't like my costume? I couldn't scare less.

  • This is my resting witch face.

  • What ghost around, comes around.

  • Diamonds are a ghoul's best friend.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • How do you spell relief? M-A-G-I-C.

  • Life's a witch, then you fly.

  • It's a grave new world out there.

  • Let's get this party star-dead!

  • Bone-jour!

Best Halloween puns and one-liners

  • Did you hear about the zombie party? It wasn't very lively.

  • Why should you avoid werewolves? They're good fur nothing.

  • What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog.

  • Why did the zombie eat brains? He wanted food for thought.

  • Where do baby ghosts go? Day-scare.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • How do skeletons make calls? On the tele-bone.

  • How do ghosts take their coffee? With scream and sugar.

  • How do you say "goodbye" to a vampire? So long, sucker!

  • How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle its funny bone.

  • Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o'-lantern? It needed to lighten up.

  • What's a ghost's least favorite day of the week? Moan-day.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Which Great Lake should you visit on Halloween? Lake Eerie.

  • What sport do bats like to play? Baseball.

  • What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet.

  • Where do spiders do their online shopping? On the web.

  • Why don’t haunted houses like rain? It dampens their spirits.

  • What do you need to unlock a haunted house? A spoo-key.

  • What did one invisible man say to the other? Long time, no see.

  • How can you prevent being possessed by a demon? Exercise.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.

  • Did you hear the one about the confusing cemetery book? It had too many plots.

  • Why do cemeteries have fences? Everyone’s dying to get in.

Pumpkin puns for Halloween

  • Who rules the pumpkin patch? The pump-king.

  • How did the jack-o-lantern fix the rip in its jeans? It used a pumpkin patch.

  • Let’s give ‘em pumpkin to talk about.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • What’s a mathematicians favorite Halloween treat? Pumpkin pi.

  • What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.

  • Orange you pumped for Halloween?

Vampire puns for Halloween

  • What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.

  • How do bats know where to fly? They wing it.

  • Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Everyone thinks he’s batty.

  • How can you tell that a vampire has a cold? It’s coffin.

  • What’s a vampire’s favorite snack? Neck-tarine.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Who won the vampire marathon? No one knows — it was neck and neck.

  • What kind of dog does a vampire have? Bloodhound.

  • What do vampires and false teeth have in common? They both come out at night.

  • Where’s Dracula’s ATM? At the blood bank.

  • Why did the vampire use mouthwash? It had bat breath.

  • How many real vampires are there? None. Unless you count Dracula.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Why did the vampire get glasses? It was blind as a bat.

  • Why don’t vampires eat cows? They don’t like stakes.

  • What do weight-conscious vampires drink? Blood light.

  • What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail? Bloody Mary.

  • Why aren’t vampires popular? They’re a pain in the neck.

Ghost puns for Halloween

  • What do ghosts like to read? Boo-ks!

  • Why didn’t the ghost go to prom? It had no body to dance with.

  • Why did the ghost go out for cheerleading? She had a lot of spirit.

  • Why did the ghoul couple break up? One was ghosting the other.

  • Why does it take so long to get served at a ghost restaurant? They’ve only got a skeleton crew working.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • How do ghosts become pilots? They go to fright school.

  • Where do ghosts buy their cookies? From the ghoul scouts.

  • How do ghosts apply makeup? They use vanishing cream.

  • How can you tell a ghost is drunk? It’s three sheets to the wind.

  • Where do celebrity ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo.

  • What do baby ghosts need to sit at a table? Boo-ster seats.

  • Who did the ghost take to the Halloween party? His ghoul friend.

  • What do ghosts wear when it snows? Boo-ts.

  • What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.

  • Why did the ghost pick its nose? It had boo-gers in it.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • How did one ghost know the other ghost was lying? He could see right through him.

  • Why did the ghost need first aid? It had a boo-boo.

  • What’s a ghost’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.

  • What’s a ghost’s favorite pastime? Bargain haunting.

  • What kind of muffins do ghosts eat? Booberry.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • What do ghosts like to drink when they party? Boo-ze.

  • Did you hear the one about the ghost Halloween party? It was a real scream.

  • How did the ghost learn to play piano? It used sheet music.

  • Where do ghosts prefer to shop? At the boo-tique.

Zombie puns for Halloween

  • Why didn’t the police arrest the zombie? He couldn’t be taken alive.

  • How do you starve a zombie? The answer is a no-brainer.

  • What’s the safest room in the house if you’re attacked by zombies? The living room.

  • What do zombies eat for dessert? Ladyfingers.

  • Where did the zombie buy a house? On a dead-end street.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Where do zombies like to swim? In the dead sea.

  • What do zombies say after being introduced? Pleased to eat you.

  • What is a zombie’s favorite day of the week? Frightday.

  • What’s the zombie’s least favorite candy? Life Savers.

Witch puns for Halloween

  • What’s a witch’s favorite breakfast food? Scream of Wheat.

  • Where do witches go when they get sick? The witch doctor.

  • Why was the witch late to work? She over-swept.

  • What do witches use to style their hair? Scare spray.

  • Why did the angry witch leave her broomstick at home? She was afraid she’d fly off the handle.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Why did everyone think the witch was grumpy? She had a resting witch face.

  • What do you called two witches that share the same apartment? Broom-mates.

  • Why did the witch go to the doctor? She had a fainting spell.

  • Why don’t witches like winter? They hate cold spells.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • Why’d the witch get kicked out of school? She couldn’t spell.

  • What happens if a witch parks illegally? Her car gets toad.

  • Why do witches like to stay in hotels? They offer broom service.

  • Why don’t witches own cars with automatic transmission? They know how to drive a stick.

Skeleton puns for Halloween

  •  Who won the skeleton 5K race? No body.

  • Why does everyone like skeleton jokes? Because they’re humerus.

  • What did one skeleton say to the other before eating dinner? Bone appetite!

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • What do skeletons like to eat at cookouts? Spare ribs.

  • Why did the skeleton shut off the scary movie? It didn’t have the guts to watch it.

  • What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.

Monster puns for Halloween

  • Why did the werewolf eat a bag of coins? He thought the change would do him good.

  • How do monsters travel long distances? By scare-plane.

  • Why did the cyclops stop teaching? It only had one pupil.

  • How do monsters predict the future? They check their horror-scope.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • What kind of car does the boogeyman drive? A monster truck.

  • What do monsters serve at a cookout? Frankenfurters and Halloweenies.

  • What do you call a monster who likes to dance? The boogeyman.

  •  Why don’t mummies get massages? They’re afraid they might unwind.

  • Why doesn’t Frankenstein dance? He’s got two left feet.

  • Why don’t mummies have any friends? They’re too wrapped up in their own problems.

Halloween Puns
Halloween Puns
  • What did the werewolf say when he broke his toe? Ow-oooooh!

  • What do you call a werewolf that pays attention? Aware-wolf.

  • What’s the one store werewolves avoid? The flea market.

  • Did you hear about the werewolves that went out to a comedy club? It was a howl.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com