Here's What You Can Buy With Your Foreclosure Settlement

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Despite a $3.6 billion foreclosure settlement that had banks sending checks (some of which bounced) to wronged homeowners, many saw the payouts as a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. According to Salon, 679 homeowners who faced foreclosure -- even though they were never once in default -- got checks for just $5,000, while individuals who had loan modifications approved -- but were still foreclosed upon --were offered a mere $300. More than 80 percent of those receiving checks, Marketplace.org reports, will get between $300 and $1,000.

Some were so shocked by the "laughable" settlement checks that they took the Internet to voice their anger. Alexis Goldstein, a former Wall Street vice president and current Occupy Wall Street activist, went so far as to create a self-explanatory Tumblr page titled: "What You Can Buy For Having Your House Stolen." On the site, she listed the various items that wrongly foreclosed-upon individuals could buy with their "egregiously low" settlement checks. We've compiled some of our favorites in the gallery below. (All text and images belong to "What You Can Buy For Having Your House Stolen" unless stated otherwise.)

7 PHOTOS
What You Can Buy for Having Your House Stolen
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Here's What You Can Buy With Your Foreclosure Settlement
If you are being illegally foreclosed on FOR NO REASON (you are not even in default), the @USOCC will make the banks pay you $5,000 for this illegal foreclosure. You could rent a place in Alaska for like 4 months with that money! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN COMPLAINING ABOUT, WRONGED BORROWER! 
Yeah, you are not in default, and thus the foreclosure you are STILL IN is TOTALLY ILLEGAL!

But come on, the @USOCC is gonna make the banks pay you $5,000 for this foreclosure the bank is illegally conducting. $5,000! DO YOU SEE THIS TENT YOU CAN BUY WITH $5,000?!? WHO NEEDS A HOME WITH A TENT LIKE THIS?! 
If you were foreclosed on because of “dual-tracking,” where one part of the bank approved your loan mod, but the foreclosure department, uh, didn’t talk to them, the @USOCC is really sorry!

They’re going to make the banks pay you $300!  You can buy 300 boxes of Kleenex with that, to help dry all your tears! YOU’RE WELCOME!
Sure, you were wrongfully foreclosed on by a bank whose loan modification dept. can’t communicate with its foreclosure dept. But come on! With your @USOCC settlement of $300, you can buy like 2.3 months of storage in D.C.!

BE GRATEFUL, OK?!
You can buy a 32GB iPhone 5 if you are a homeowners who had a loan modification APPROVED, but are STILL BEING FORECLOSED ON because the banks do not have their s--t together (one dept handles loan mods, another handles foreclosures; this is called “dual-tracking”)! Congratulations! It only took the pain and suffering of a foreclosure fight that wasn’t your fault to get the $ for your new phone! Enjoy!
Yes, maligned homeowner, one of the megabanks screwed you. You had a loan modification request APPROVED, and yet you were STILL foreclosed on. The banks [messed] up, what can we say?

You know, it was probably Wells Fargo, who had up to an 80% error rate in foreclosure files reviewed, as reported on by the WSJ last year: “Ms. Cordova, who trained contract workers on a review of Wells Fargo files in Orange, Calif., said the rate of errors on files she saw was rising when banks and regulators halted the exams. Certain batches produced error rates as high as 45% to 80% in late 2012, she added.”

But don’t worry! The @USOCC has a solution! They’re gonna make the banks pay you between $300 and $500!

THINK OF ALL THE BOOZE YOU CAN BUY WITH THAT MONEY!?

Who needs a house when you can drown your sorrows with drink?!
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See more on the foreclosure settlement:
Robo-Signing Scandal: Hundreds More Military Members Were Victims
Do Banks or Homeowners Win in Mortgage Settlement?
Foreclosure Settlement Money: Are States Using It the Right Way?

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Foreclosure Settlement Checks Much Smaller Than Regulators Forecasted
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