'Vanderpump Rules' drama is the only constant in this crazy thing we call life

There are few certainties in life, but one thing that can always unite and comfort us is the constant, cutting drama of Vanderpump Rules. Bravo released the first bit of season-five footage, which includes reliable tropes like: a woman screaming at Jax, group vacations that will inevitably end badly, skinny dipping, busboy/DJ James Kennedy acting up, Kristen crying, Stassi crying, a SUR nude photo shoot that must break some HR codes, and the serene wisdom of Lisa Vanderpump holding it all together (as a wedding officiant, no less!).

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Season five returns at long last on November 7, hopefully accompanied by the dulcet tones of an autotuned Scheana.