Everyone's talking about this firefighter's obituary

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Man's Wife and Girlfriend Pen Dueling Obituaries

Obituaries are usually sad -- and rightfully so -- but the children of one New Orleans man took a different approach.

Firefighter William Ziegler passed away at the age of 69 on July 29. His obituary, which ran in The Times-Picayune, is anything but solemn.

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It begins saying that Ziegler's children thinks he died "on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election."

Ziegler's four children combined efforts to write the obit. "My brothers, my sister and myself batted it around for a couple weeks before we posted it," daughter Sharah Currier told The Times-Picayune.

The tribute goes on to detail parts of Ziegler's life, such as his time in the Navy: "He only stuck it out for one war," the Vietnam War. "Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts," humorously downplaying Ziegler's bravery when serving.

When he returned to his native New Orleans, he became a firefighter. He retired after 25 years, apparently saying "William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob)."

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Apparently, this Bob did not exist. "There was no Bob. At least I hope not," Currier said. "That was a running joke with my dad."

Currier thinks she and her siblings wrote a piece her dad would be proud of. "He probably would have forwarded this obituary to us," she commented.

Here is the entire obituary:

William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69. We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election.

He leaves behind four children, five grandchildren, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food.

William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts.

Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman. After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired. Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).

Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor. He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another.

He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet. Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.

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