John Oliver on New Year's resolutions: 'Lower your standards'

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Your New Year's Resolutions Will Fail: By the Numbers

John Oliver made a brief return from his "Last Week Tonight" hiatus to tell his viewers to lower their standards for their New Year's Resolutions.

While many people use the changing of the calendar year to set goals for self-improvement, Oliver reminded people that statistically speaking, they were going to fail, like people who say they want to exercise more.

See the clip below:

"Exercise is like reading for your muscles, except you can't watch a movie of someone else exercising and basically get the gist of it," Oliver said. "Instead of beating yourself up over it, simply lower your standards for what counts as exercise."

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He then offered examples of a number of activities that would get your heart rate up like exercise without actually having to exercise, like sleeping through your alarm for work or taking a home pregnancy test.

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John Oliver on New Year's resolutions: 'Lower your standards'
John Oliver during HBO's 13th Annual U.S. Comedy Arts Festival - The Moth: On Thin Ice at Wheeler Opera House in Aspen, Colorado, United States. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic, Inc for HBO)
John Oliver, Wyatt Cenac and Rob Riggle (L-R) attend the Comedy Central Emmy After Party Sunday, Sept. 21, 2008 in Los Angeles, California. (AP Photo/Shea Walsh)
MANCHESTER, TN - JUNE 13: Comedian John Oliver performs in the comedy carnivale during Bonnaroo 2009 on June 13, 2009 in Manchester, Tennessee. (Photo by FilmMagic Inc/FilmMagic)
NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 07: John Oliver and Aasif Mandvi attend the 61st Annual Writers Guild Awards New York Ceremony at the Hudson Theatre inside the Millennium Broadway Hotel on February 7, 2009 in New York City. (Photo by Theo Wargo/WireImage)
FILE - In this Oct. 2, 2010 file photo, John Oliver appears on stage at Comedy Central's 'Night Of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Concert For Autism Education' at the Beacon Theatre in New York. HBO says that John Oliver is getting his own weekly show after his winning turn as substitute host for Jon Stewart. Next year, Oliver’s Sunday night program will take a satirical look at current events for the week, HBO said Thursday, Nov. 14, 2013. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)
NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 12: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Host John Oliver speaks onstage at the 2011 A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Cure Parkinson's event at The Waldorf=Astoria on November 12, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/MJF2011/WireImage)
NEW YORK, NY - OCTOBER 22: Kate Norley and John Oliver attend Comedians 'Stand Up' for Scleroderma at Cool Comedy - Hot Cuisine at Caroline's On Broadway on October 22, 2012 in New York City. (Photo by Shawn Ehlers/Getty Images for Scleroderma Research Foundation)
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - JANUARY 31: John Oliver entertains the crowd at the 6th Annual Crunchies Awards at Davies Symphony Hall on January 31, 2013 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Steve Jennings/Getty Images for The Crunchies)
Host John Oliver arrives at the 2013 International Emmy Awards Gala at the New York Hilton on Monday, Nov. 25, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/InvisionAP)
John Oliver speaks on stage at the HBO portion of the 2014 Winter Television Critics Association tour at the Langham Hotel on Thursday, Jan. 9, 2014 in Pasadena, Calif. (Photo by Richard Shotwell Invision/AP)
John Oliver and Patrick Stewart are seen at The 35 Most Powerful People in Media hosted by The Hollywood Reporter on Wednesday, April 16, 2014 in New York, New York. (Photo by Mark Von Holden/Invision for The Hollywood Reporter/AP Images)
Comedian John Oliver speaks at the Museum of the Moving Image Annual Honors Benefit on Wednesday, June 11, 2014, in New York. (Photo by Andy Kropa/Invision/AP)
NEW YORK, NEW YORK--APRIL 4, 2014--Comedian John Oliver has a new HBO show 'Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, premiering April 27th. Photographed at the HBO office in New York on April 7, 2014. (Photo by Carolyn Cole/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)
THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON -- Episode 0212 -- Pictured: (l-r) Comedian John Oliver during an interview with host Jimmy Fallon on February 17, 2015 -- (Photo by: Douglas Gorenstein/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE -- Pictured: John Oliver -- (Photo by: Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
Honoree John Oliver attends the Time 100 Gala celebrating the Time 100 issue of the Most Influential People at The World at Jazz at Lincoln Center on April 21, 2015 in New York. AFP PHOTO / TIMOTHY A. CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)
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Oliver also mocked people who resolve to eat healthier, particularly those who buy a new crockpot to cook nutritious meals. "Clearly that was never going to happen," Oliver said. Instead, people with crockpots sitting on the shelf could put them to better use, like making a hot tub for mice living in your apartment.

"Last Week Tonight" returns to HBO on Feb. 14.

SEE MORE: John Oliver Unloads on Paris Attackers in 'Moment of Premium Cable Profanity'

Read original story John Oliver on New Year's Resolutions: 'Lower Your Standards' (Video) At TheWrap

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