Malia Obama attends a college party, allegedly plays beer pong
As more details of Malia Obama's pre-frosh visit to Brown surface, it really sounds like she got the full, authentic College Student Experience: She ate in the dining hall, slept in the dorms, went to a hall party, went off campus and got a burrito bowl at Chipotle — and then, in total authentic college fashion, someone leaked a Snapchat of her at a party.
Now, there's no need to worry. There wasn't anything revealing about the Snap, really. She was captured in the vicinity of a beer-pong table but not playing beer pong; she was near some college dudes but wasn't interacting with the dudes. In fact, she looked a little bit bored by the antics going on around her. (I always knew you'd have great taste, MaBama — my little nickname for her.)
But here's what is revealing: Our collective reactions to seeing our Malia Obama, the child we've watched grow into a teenager, attend a college party. This pretty much exposes how old we all are in our souls. Here's our best guesses for your age, based on how you responded to MaBama's beer-pong escapades:
"Man, college looks awesome!": roughly 15 years old, without a learner's permit.
"Dude, I totally want to hang out with Malia.": 24 and missing college.
"Oh my god, she looks so young!": 29 and missing college and your college metabolism before life ground it to a halt.
"Oh dear lord! Get her away from that young man.": 37 and in denial about missing college.
"Her hair looks perfect.": Inconclusive, could be any age.
More from The Cut:
A Victoria's Secret Model on Drinking Warm Water
The First Legal Abortion Providers Tell Their Stories
Kim Kardashian Kouldn't Keep Up With Her Hair Kare