Mindy Kaling, the national treasure who simultaneously delivered The Mindy Project to the small screen and redefined the concept of "extremely complicated relationships," is nothing if not forthcoming. So it comes as no surprise that her new memoir, Why Not Me?, includes an entire chapter devoted to the beauty secrets she learned while working in Hollywood. TV hair is always fake, she writes, and sheet masks help you appear human. Read below for the most useful beauty gems outlined in her book.
On why brown people should spray-tan, too:
"It's not about changing the color, it's about evening out the color. Basically what that means is a really brave woman named Jen will show up at my house with a machine that looks like a small stainless-steel box to store a gremlin, and I will strip naked and stand in my bathroom with my arms and legs wide open and a guilty expression on my face. You don't have to wear underwear, but I always wear mine because it's important for Jen to know that I am classy."
On how a robot cures her acne:
"I have had to learn some drastic ways to get rid of my zits. Only one thing has ever worked, and I have come to depend on one device, a special wand the size and weight of a remote control that shoots hot blue light into my skin. "I bought this wand, the Tria Acne Clearing Blue Light, from my dermatologist's office. At one point I was spending so much time with the device that I started calling him Wall-E. He looks like a fancy sex toy from Japan. His job is to 'eliminate acne-causing bacteria deep beneath the skin's surface,' and I have to hold him pressed against my face for twenty minutes every night."
On the importance of lighting:
"Lighting in television and film is the real key to always looking beautiful. I hired my cinematographer, Marco Fargnoli, based on one thing and one thing alone: his impressive and serious-sounding Italian name. I can always count on Marco to make me look luminous and adorable, like that kid who is fishing from the moon in the DreamWorks logo. So my advice to you is: Try to befriend a cinematographer and have him or her light you wherever you go."
On skin-saving sheet masks:
"If I haven't gotten enough sleep, it shows. You know how on The Walking Dead when a human gets bitten by a zombie, there's that fifteen-minute window after they are infected when they are transforming into a zombie, and their insides liquefy and their eyes turn into milky goo? That's what I look like. "But no one in America will ever know that, because on those bad-sleep days, my makeup artist Cindy applies a beauty mask to my face. It can be any calming mask. I keep mine in the fridge, because there are two things Mindy Kaling likes cold: beer and beauty masks."
On advice from Kim Kardashian:
"The most valuable thing I learned from Kim Kardashian is that your arm must never lie flat against your body. ... I remember hearing her say that when you put your hand on your hip, it makes your arm look thinner and draws attention to your waist. I tried it and love it! So I started doing it whenever I was getting my picture taken."
See photos of Kaling throughout her career:
Mindy Kaling through her career
Mindy Kaling's book is full of beauty wisdom
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE -- Pictured: Mindy Kaling -- (Photo by: Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Actress Mindy Kaling attends 'The Mindy Project' 4th season premiere at Ysabel on September 12, 2015 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - SEPTEMBER 12: Actress Mindy Kaling and Hulu Head of Content Craig Erwich attend Hulu's 'The Mindy Project' Season Four premiere at Ysabel on September 12, 2015 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Angela Weiss/Getty Images for Hulu)
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 11: Mindy Kaling is seen at 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' on September 11, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by RB/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - AUGUST 09: Actress and Executive Producer Mindy Kaling attends the Hulu 2015 Summer TCA Presentation at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on August 9, 2015 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Imeh Akpanudosen/Getty Images)
THE VIEW - Mindy Kaling and Gretchen Carlson are the guests today, Wednesday, June 17, 2015 on ABC's 'The View.' 'The View' airs Monday-Friday (11:00 am-12:00 pm, ET) on the ABC Television Network.
(Photo by Lou Rocco/ABC via Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - JUNE 08: Mindy Kaling arrives for the premiere of Disney-Pixar's 'Inside Out' at the El Capitan Theatre on June 8, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Gabriel Olsen/Getty Images)
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 30: Mindy Kaling speaks about her book: 'Why Not Me' at the BookCon 2015 at Javits Center on May 30, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Steve Sands/WireImage)
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 27: Author Mindy Kaling signs copies of her newest book during BookExpo America held at the Javits Center on May 28, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Brent N. Clarke/FilmMagic)
CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 18: US actress Amy Poehler (C) US actress Mindy Kaling (L) and US actress Phyllis Smith (R) pose during the photocall for the film 'Inside Out' at the 68th international film festival in Cannes, France on May 18, 2015. (Photo by Mustafa Yalcin/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images)
Mindy Kaling arrives at the 17th Costume Designers Guild Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2015, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)
Actress Mindy Kaling, left, and TV host Carson Daly announce the award nominees at the 66th Primetime Emmy Nominations Announcement on Thursday, July 10, 2014, at the Leonard H. Goldenson Theater in the NoHo Arts District in Los Angeles. (Photo by Vince Bucci/Invision for the Television Academy/AP Images).
Mindy Kaling arrives at the Fox's Girls Night Out held at the Leonard H. Goldenson Theatre on Monday, June 9, 2014 in Los Angeles. (Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP)
Mindy Kaling at Columbia Pictures 'This is The End' Premiere on Monday, June, 3, 2013 in Los Angeles. (Photo by Eric Charbonneau/Invision for Columbia Pictures/AP Images)
IMAGE DISTRIBUTED FOR FOX - Darren Criss performs for Mindy Kaling, left, at VERTE Grades of Green's annual fundraising event to benefit environmental education at Bel-Air Bay Club on April 11, 2013 in Pacific Palisades, California. (Photo by Todd Williamson/Invision for Fox/AP Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 23: (L-R) Mindy Kaling and Amy Poehler in the audience at the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences 64th Primetime Emmy Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on September 23, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Rene Macura/Invision for the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences/AP Images)
Actress Mindy Kaling arrives at the grand opening party for Kendra Scott Jewelryâs Beverly Hills Store benefiting Blessings in a Backpack in West Hollywood, Calif., Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2011. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
Cast member Mindy Kaling arrives at the premiere "No Strings Attached" in Los Angeles, on Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2011. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
From left, Emmy nominees Mindy Kaling, Brad Falchuk, Ryan Murphy, Carlton Cuse, and Ian Brennan pose together at the Writer's Guild of America, West Sublime Primetime 2010 event honoring Emmy-Nominated TV Writers in Beverly Hills, Calif. on Thursday, Aug. 26, 2010. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)
From left to right, actor B.J. Novak, actress Drew Barrymore, and actress Mindy Kaling at the HBO Golden Globes after-party on Sunday, Jan. 11, 2009, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (AP Photo/Dan Steinberg)
Mindy Kaling arrives at the 14th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards on Sunday, Jan. 27, 2008, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Evan Agostini)
Actress Mindy Kaling from the "The Office" arrives for the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards Sunday, Sept. 16, 2007, at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson)
Left to right: Actresses Melora Hardin, Kate Flannery, Jenna Fischer, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling and Angela Kinsey winners of Outstanding Comedy Series pose in the press room at the 58th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at the Shrine Auditorium on August 27, 2006 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Laura Rauch)