Surprise! Hello Kitty isn't a kitty ... she's actually a cartoon girl?

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Breaking, Hello Kitty Is Not A Kitty

Every so often a story breaks that makes you question everything you think is real. Get ready, because this is one of those stories.

Hello Kitty, that iconic Japanese feline that can be seen on many kindergartner's lunch boxes around the globe, is not a cat. In fact, she's not even Japanese.

In what can only be described as a disturbing report from the Los Angeles Times, Sanrio, the maker of Hello Kitty, told an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii that, "Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature.'

By that logic, Mickey isn't a mouse. Bugs not a bunny. Gossamer not a... actually, what is Gossamer?

So if Hello Kitty isn't a kitty cat, what is she?

According to Sanrio, she's a third grade girl named Kitty White. She has human parents named Mary and George White, and a twin sister named Mimmy. And, get this, she lives in London. London!

Kitty White (if that's even her real name) hasn't commented on this breaking news, but what do you expect ... she doesn't have a mouth.

Surprise! Hello Kitty isn't a kitty ... she's actually a cartoon girl?
WHO. AM. I? “@tallforagirl: MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE RT @BuzzFeed: BREAKING: Hello Kitty Is NOT ACTUALLY A CAT http://t.co/8gaYweiiGK”
BREAKING: Sanrio Reveals That Hello Kitty Is NOT ACTUALLY A CAT http://t.co/8Rza57LlQo http://t.co/OzH4rNZKqQ
"Hello Kitty isn't a cat she's a person who looks like a cat" It's impossible to logically disagree with this so why does it sound so insane
A Sanrio Co. Hello Kitty figure made of Swarovski crystals is on display during the 'SWAROVSKI presents 'House of Hello Kitty'' event at Omotesando Hills in Tokyo, Japan, on Wednesday, June 29, 2011. Sanrio Co., the Japanese owner of the Hello Kitty character brand, may boost profit after arresting a 10-year slide in sales by slapping its logo on wine, wallpaper and minicars. Photographer: Junko Kimura/Bloomberg via Getty Images
NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 05: Designer Zac Posen attends the 'Hello Kitty Commotion!' hosted by MAC Cosmetics and V Magazine at Cedar Lake on February 5, 2009 in New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/WireImage for MAC Cosmetics)
Japan Airlines (JAL) cabin attendants and Sanrio character Hello Kitty introduce Japan Airlines' Hellosmile jet, a Boeing 777 jetliner painted with a Hello Kitty face to raise awareness of cervical cancer, at JAL's hanger at the Haneda airport in Tokyo on january 13, 2012. Hello Kitty, which started in 1974 in Japan as a moon-faced cartoon cat on a coin purse, has developed into a global phenomenon. AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu TSUNO (Photo credit should read YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images)
Japan Airlines (JAL) cabin attendants and Sanrio character Hello Kitty introduce Japan Airlines' Hellosmile jet, a Boeing 777 jetliner painted with a Hello Kitty face to raise awareness of cervical cancer, at JAL's hanger at the Haneda airport in Tokyo on january 13, 2012. Hello Kitty, which started in 1974 in Japan as a moon-faced cartoon cat on a coin purse, has developed into a global phenomenon. AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu TSUNO (Photo credit should read YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images)
Japan's pop culture icon Hello Kitty (R) and her boy friend Dear Daniel (L) admire statues and paintings at a preview of Hello Kitty Art Exhibition in Tokyo on August 24, 2011. The art exhibition opened at Tokyo's Matsuya department store through September 5, while a replica of a statue is priced 472,500 yen (6,200 USD). AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu TSUNO (Photo credit should read YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images)
NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 22: Super Cute Hello Kitty makes her first appearance at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 22, 2007 in New York City. (Photo by George Napolitano/FilmMagic)
CULVER CITY, CA - OCTOBER 22: TV personality Paris Hilton attends the Hello Kitty 35th anniversary celebration held at Royal/T on October 22, 2009 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Lester Cohen/Getty Images for Sanrio)
New York Mets catcher Jason Phiilips interacts with Hello Kitty who threw out the first pitch in the Mets' 2-0 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks, Sunday, Aug. 15, 2004, at Shea Stadium in New York. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)
A Hello Kitty character (L) looks at statues and paintings at a preview of a Hello Kitty Art Exhibition in Tokyo on August 24, 2011. The art exhibition opened at Tokyo's Matsuya department store through September 5. AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu TSUNO (Photo credit should read YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images)
Nursing staff pose with new-born babies in front of Hello Kitty decorations at Hau Sheng hospital in Yuanlin, in Changhua county, central Taiwan, on January 14, 2009. More then 2,000 babies have been born at this 30-bed hospital, decorated with the Japanese animated character Hello Kitty, over the past two years. AFP PHOTO / Sam YEH (Photo credit should read SAM YEH/AFP/Getty Images)
Hello Kitty soft toy on white background
A view of atmosphere at Sephora's Beauty Launch of the Hello Kitty Graffiti Kitty Collection held at Sephora on July 14, 2011 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Alexandra Wyman/WireImage)
CULVER CITY, CA - OCTOBER 22: TV personality Paris Hilton arrives at the Hello Kitty 35th anniversary celebration held at Royal/T on October 22, 2009 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
SHINGU, JAPAN - AUGUST 18: (CHINA OUT, SOUTH KOREA OUT) Hello Kitty poses with newly launching 'Hello Kitty Wakayama Train' during the test run at Shingu Station on August 18, 2014 in Shingu, Wakayama, Japan. The Hello Kitty wrapping train will run between Shingu and Kushimoto on weekends and holidays between September 13 to December 14. (Photo by The Asahi Shimbun via Getty Images)
Sanrio Co. Hello Kitty soft toys are inside a crane machine game during the 'SWAROVSKI presents 'House of Hello Kitty'' event at Omotesando Hills in Tokyo, Japan, on Wednesday, June 29, 2011. Sanrio Co., the Japanese owner of the Hello Kitty character brand, may boost profit after arresting a 10-year slide in sales by slapping its logo on wine, wallpaper and minicars. Photographer: Junko Kimura/Bloomberg via Getty Images
A model dressing as Japanese character Hello Kitty, right, along with Hong Kong actresses Priscilla Wong, left, and Celine Yeung, second from left, pose with a new figure of Hello Kitty unveiled at the Madame Tussauds in Hong Kong, Thursday, July 24, 2014, to mark the 40th anniversary of the birth of the popular Sanrio character. (AP Photo/Kin Cheung)
The Hello Kitty balloon moves through Times Square during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade Thursday, Nov. 22, 2007 in New York. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - DECEMBER 10: A general view of atmosphere at The First Ever Hello Kitty Beauty Hotel Suite presented by Sephora at Maison 140 on December 10, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Rebecca Sapp/Getty Images for Sephora)
Sanrio Co. Hello Kitty soft toys are inside a crane machine game during the 'SWAROVSKI presents 'House of Hello Kitty'' event at Omotesando Hills in Tokyo, Japan, on Wednesday, June 29, 2011. Sanrio Co., the Japanese owner of the Hello Kitty character brand, may boost profit after arresting a 10-year slide in sales by slapping its logo on wine, wallpaper and minicars. Photographer: Junko Kimura/Bloomberg via Getty Images
Mariah Carey holds a Hello Kitty doll she received from the audience as she performed during her appearance in the Summer Concert Series of NBC's "Today" television show, in New York's Rockefeller Center Friday morning May 30, 2003. (AP Photo/Akira Ono)
arad romania september 30 ...
CULVER CITY, CA - OCTOBER 22: Actress Miranda Cosgrove arrives at the Hello Kitty 35th anniversary celebration held at Royal/T on October 22, 2009 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - OCTOBER 15: Actress Ana Mulvoy arrives at Nylon's October IT Issue and launch of the Hello Kitty and Forever 21 collaboration at The London West Hollywood on October 15, 2012 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Chelsea Lauren/WireImage)
CULVER CITY, CA - OCTOBER 22: Chef Ludo Lefebvre attend the Hello Kitty 35th anniversary celebration held at Royal/T on October 22, 2009 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Lester Cohen/Getty Images for Sanrio)
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - DECEMBER 10: A general view of atmosphere at The First Ever Hello Kitty Beauty Hotel Suite presented by Sephora at Maison 140 on December 10, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Rebecca Sapp/Getty Images for Sephora)
KOBE, JAPAN - SEPTEMBER 15: (JAPANESE NEWSPAPERS OUT) 'Super Hello Kitty Jewel Doll' is pictured during the press preview of Hello Kitty Exhibition at Department Store Sogo's Kobe branch on September 15, 2009 in Kobe, Hyogo, Japan. The 10-centimeter-tall doll, decorated with 2,346 jewels, will be sold at the price of 15,750,000 Japanese Yen (173,000 U.S. Dollars). (Photo by Sankei/Getty Images)
Hello Kitty (L) and Dear Daniel characters (R) stand next to paintings at a preview of a Hello Kitty Art Exhibition in Tokyo on August 24, 2011. The art exhibition opened at Tokyo's Matsuya department store through September 5. AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu TSUNO (Photo credit should read YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images)
Vistors look at paintings and statues of Hello Kitty, designed by Hello Kitty creator Yuko Yamaguchi at a preview of a Hello Kitty Art Exhibition in Tokyo on August 24, 2011. The art exhibition opened at Tokyo's Matsuya department store through September 5. AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu TSUNO (Photo credit should read YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images)
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