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Should we stop believing in soul mates?

Should We Stop Believing In Soulmates?

The soul mates concept is one with a rich mythological history. According to Plato, Aristocrates described ancient human beings as having two faces, four arms, four legs and two sets of genitals. When humans threatened the gods, they struck all humans in half, casting them into utter misery. If a human managed to find the other half of their 'soul' there was a profound sense of completeness and understanding -- the greatest joy that there could ever be in life.

These days people regard soul mates as a romantic concept -- someone you feel completed by. A 2011 Marist poll found that nearly three out of four Americans believe there is one person on Earth that will make them feel complete.

Now scientists are saying that perhaps, the soul mates concept is faulty. A new study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology categorized people into two groups: those who categorized their relationships as a unity (soul mates) and those who framed their relationships as a journey that they're on with someone.

What they found was that those who described their relationships as a unity have more dismal romantic outcomes. The researchers asked the participants to prepare levels of satisfaction during times of harmony and times of conflict. They found those who believe in unity were significantly more upset in times of conflict than those who took the journey approach.

Now, previous research on the topic has found that the soul mate group tends to have short but intensely passionate relationships as they seek out the person that they feel a connection to.

Relationships for this group are shorter because when conflict came up, they had trouble coping with it and working towards a resolution. Instead they saw it as a sign that they weren't meant to be.

By contrast the people in the journey group were more likely to seek out partners that they could see themselves growing with, and not necessarily someone they had an intense passion with, right away. When conflict happened they were more likely to work through it towards a resolution and they more satisfying relationships overall.

The moral of the story: the soul mates concept can jeopardize a relationship if taken too seriously. Researchers at the University of Toronto say if anything, the finding are a great example of how the way we talk and think about relationships can greatly affect our success in them.

Join the discussion

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DaMomb01 August 09 2014 at 8:48 AM

What a bunch of bulls**t. The reason couples don't make it anymore is because they put their faith in themselves. The world revolves around them...we have become a society of spoiled self-indulged, self-entitled misfits who run for here the grass is greener every time something gets tough or doesn't go out way. People used to believe in "for better or for worse" and "until death do us part".

And what's with the line this woman says that in order to have a soul-mate you first have to have a soul? Wow! We've come a long way, haven't we...now we are soul-less creatures?!! Not a thought I'd entertain for myself, thank you.

I too found my soul-mate. I had been engaged three times, and there was always something "off", something "missing", until my husband came along that is. He does complete me. He unknowingly helped me heal, and completed the parts of me that were missing. He is an absolutely amazing man, and I have been nothing but blessed to have him as my partner.

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4 replies
Mike August 09 2014 at 7:24 AM

My soul mate hates aol.

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2 replies
onionson Mike August 09 2014 at 2:35 PM

Strange, goats are not usually that picky.

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1 reply
doketx onionson August 09 2014 at 4:21 PM

That was funny; uncalled for, hateful, mean spirited and basically low class, but funny.

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pdbliz Mike August 09 2014 at 7:07 PM

very good post

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jjwpratt August 09 2014 at 7:51 AM


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1 reply
darkcloudstonite jjwpratt August 09 2014 at 12:56 PM

which proves....what ?

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1 reply
jwemrw darkcloudstonite August 09 2014 at 2:38 PM

It proves jjwpratt's spouse is not the least particular.

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darkcloudstonite August 09 2014 at 3:11 PM

There is a massage parlor down the street where I live where you can get a soulmate for 30 min. for $30 + tip

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1 reply
jgcitygin darkcloudstonite August 10 2014 at 12:31 AM

Why are you trying to spoil it for people who are happy?
I hope someday you also will find your own soulmate.

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theomegaman72 August 09 2014 at 4:16 PM

I met my incredible soulmate 25 years ago and we've laughed ,cried and shared incredible memories together. I think the problem is nowadays people want everything so easy and a relationship is work-hard work. Yes, there will be days when you don't get along and if you're honest-sometimes just hearing her voice will be like listening to nails on a chalkboard. Maybe you'll resent her for awhile for taking years off work " to raise the kids" while you're still out there fighting the world so you can bring home the paycheck. Some people also put on weight and don't seem to care about keeping themselves attractive for their spouse but those are all superficial things. You just need to keep reminding yourself that this is my soulmate and you'll be able to get thru it .

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Dan August 09 2014 at 7:59 AM

It's indeed possible to find that perfect soulmate tho not everyone will. When you find him/her, hold on to that relationship. It starts out good and always gets better. ☺☺

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happy2bgridfree August 09 2014 at 9:47 AM

I believe there are people "out there" that share an undefinable connection. I think very few actually cross paths during their lifetime. If it does happen, you know immediately. It doesn't have to be a spouse or lover. It can be anyone.

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1 reply
d1anaw happy2bgridfree August 09 2014 at 11:53 AM

No one is saying that there isn't someone with whom you share an "undefinable connection". I suspect most long term married couples would agree with this. But I think there is a problem when you run through relationships, especially marriages, expecting someone else to be responsbile for "completing" you. No one can complete you but yourself. And you'll be no good in any relationship until you come into it a whole being.

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Tuhloola11 August 09 2014 at 12:45 PM

There's no such thing as a "soul mate".

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5 replies
SPACCEJUMP August 09 2014 at 9:08 AM

It is rather disturbing that during this New Millennium so many human beings have still not "awakened" to the fact that one's so called, Soul Mate is not always one's husband or wife or lover, etc. It is possible of course, BUT, we have various Soul Mates. Yes, we can have more than one Soul Mate. It is the entity that traveled here with us to this planet/dimension with us and has made a sacred contract to be there for each other during our journey here on Earth.

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isisreptiles August 09 2014 at 3:57 PM

I have never believed in the concept of soul mates. I believe that there are any number of people who would be suitable mates for each of us--people with whom we are compatible and can have a satisfying long term relationship.

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