The Money Chat You Need to Have Now With Your Family

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Alina Vincent Photography via Getty ImagesHaving a conversation with your parents about long-term care is difficult but necessary.
By Roger Wohlner

Money conversations between parents and adult children can be difficult at best. Issues such as your parents' investments, retirement planning, estate planning wishes and elder care issues are never easy. A recent survey by Fidelity, which involved 1,058 parents of at least 55 years of age and 159 children (of 30 years of age or more), highlighted some of the key issues involved.

Suggestions for a successful family discussion. The Fidelity survey offers these suggestions:
  1. Initiate family discussions early.
  2. Don't be shy about bringing up detailed questions.
  3. Let your parents have the final say about their care and their finances.
  4. Have follow-up conversations.
Within this framework, let's take a look at some of the topics that might be covered.

Are your parents' investments properly structured for this phase of their life? Their investment portfolio will likely be a key funding source for their retirement and perhaps their long-term care needs. The right investment mix will vary from situation to situation. There needs to be a mix that provides for growth (to stay ahead of inflation) as well as liquidity (to meet any withdrawal needs).

What sources of cash flow do your parents have to fund their retirement? These sources might include: What are your parents' wishes in terms of passing on their wealth in the event of their death? Typically a surviving spouse, children and grandchildren are the beneficiaries, assuming there is an estate to pass down. They may also have charitable intentions or the desire to leave something to a friend or more distant relative. Also remember that there may be non-monetary assets to deal with as well.

Do you have an inventory of your parents' assets and liabilities? What do they own and what do they owe? Among the assets and liabilities to inventory could be:
  • Real estate (residence, vacation home)
  • Investments
  • Retirement accounts
  • Insurance companies
  • Annuities
  • Interest in a business
  • Checking and savings accounts
  • Art and collectibles
  • Cars
  • Credit card debt
  • Mortgages
  • Other loans outstanding
What types of insurance coverage are in force? Typically, they may have a life insurance policy and hopefully long-term care insurance. Both are key assets that should be understood by both parents and adult children.

These conversations can be difficult because there is a lot at stake.
  • How will your parents provide for their retirement?
  • Where will the money come from in the event of a long-term care situation?
  • Who will take over your parents' financial affairs in the event they become unable to do so?
  • What are your parents' wishes, including disposition of their assets upon their death, burial, staying in their home, etc.?
Besides taking care of all of these issues, a lack of communication and planning can be costly to the family. You need to consider taxes and how to transfer your parents' wealth to the next generation. Although this may sound as if it only pertains to the very wealthy, this is not the case.

What is really at stake is the opportunity for parents to communicate their financial wishes to their adult children, and for children to help their parents make those wishes come true.

There is nothing easy about discussing these issues and having these financial conversations as a family. But any difficulties that may exist will be dwarfed by the potential guilt and regret felt by both parents and children if this dialogue is pushed back. You should talk about money now, before resolving these issues becomes increasingly difficult.

Roger Wohlner, certified financial planner, is a fee-only financial adviser at Asset Strategy Consultants based in Arlington Heights, Illinois, where he provides financial planning and investment advice to individual clients, 401(k) plan sponsors and participants, foundations and endowments. Roger is active on both Twitter and LinkedIn. Check out Roger's popular blog The Chicago Financial Planner where he writes about issues concerning financial planning, investments and retirement plans.

The Money Chat You Need to Have Now With Your Family
  • Cost of living -- 114.1
  • State tax burden -- 8.4 percent
  • Median house price -- $377,625, per Zillow.com
  • Climate -- 69/39 January, 105/75 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Didn't make the Forbes list
Scottsdale is a retirement mecca, with a reasonable cost of living, state and local taxes well below the national average, a great quality of life and plenty of amenities. But housing costs are nearly double the national average. Winters are warm, but summers are sizzling hot. Peak temperatures can reach close to 120 degrees -- after all, it's in the desert. The locals will dismiss it as "dry heat," but that kind of heat will still send your electric bill for air conditioning soaring, and can necessitate you buying new cars more frequently than you'd like.
  • Cost of living -- 130.0
  • State tax burden -- 9.3 percent
  • Median house price -- $417,600, per Zillow.com
  • Climate -- 74/64 January, 89/80 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Didn't make the Forbes list

Key West offers Caribbean weather in the U.S., an attribute that makes it a natural choice for retirees. And who could resist the Jimmy Buffett-Parrot Head thing, especially once you're living a life of leisure? 

You might be better off if you resist. The cost of living is 30 percent higher than the U.S. average, and housing costs at least twice as much. Travel is another issue. Key West is the most remote location in the continental U.S. The only road off the 6-square-mile island is the Overseas Highway, a 127.5-mile causeway that is largely one lane in each direction.

Hurricanes -- all too common in Florida -- are rare in Key West  -- though Wilma did hit it in 2005. But when they do impact the island, though, it's worth noting that the city has the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other, and there's no part of it that's more than 18 feet above sea level. So homeowners must pay several thousand dollars a year for hurricane insurance.

  • Cost of living -- 132.3
  • State tax burden -- 11.2 percent
  • Median house price -- $482,000
  • Climate -- 66/50 January, 77/67 August
  • Traffic congestion -- Didn't make the Forbes list
As big California cities go, San Diego is a bargain. But compared to the rest of the country, San Diego is certified high-cost. Yes, the weather is near perfect year-round. But the cost of living is one-third higher than the rest of the country, and house prices are nearly 2½ times the national average. Add in California's high state and local tax rates and the earthquake issue, and San Diego should be crossed off your list of potential retirement cities.
  • Cost of living -- 165.7
  • State tax burden -- 10.2 percent
  • Median house price -- $680,000
  • Climate -- 80/66 January, 88/75 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Second worst gridlock in U.S.
Can you imagine a more idyllic place to retire than Honolulu? Probably not. But as beautiful as it is, it shares many of the financial strains common to other cities on this list, plus a few more.

The overall cost of living is second only to New York City. After all, most of the goods people need have to be shipped across thousands of miles of ocean. The state tax burden is only slightly higher than the national average, but the median house price is triple the national average.

Finally, as far as cost of living is concerned, Honolulu has an unusual financial issue: travel expenses. Sooner or later, you'll want to get away from Hawaii. And there's no cheap way to escape from this paradise.
  • Cost of living -- 164.0
  • State tax burden -- 11.2 percent
  • Median house price -- $860,000
  • Climate -- 57/46 January, 70/55 September
  • Traffic congestion -- Third worst gridlock in U.S.
San Francisco frequently makes those "favorite cities in America" lists and for good reason. Situated on a peninsula between the Pacific Ocean and the San Francisco Bay, it is one of the most scenic cities in the world. Mild weather year-round, world class cuisine, charming neighborhoods and an eclectic population make it one of the most desirable places to live anywhere in the world.

But it has the highest median house prices in the country, which should scare off retirees. Its cost of living trails only New York City and Honolulu. And like the rest of California, its state and local tax burden is second only to New York.

One other reason people might avoid living in San Francisco is that it's prone to earthquakes. While that's certainly a concern for personal safety, few people from non-earthquake prone areas realize how it increases your cost of living. Homeowners need to pay several thousand dollars per year for earthquake insurance.
  • Cost of living -- 140.1
  • State/district tax burden -- 4.0 percent on first $10,000 and up to 8.95 percent on income greater than $350,000 in D.C., 10.2 percent in Maryland, 9.3 percent in Virginia
  • Median house price -- $395,000
  • Climate -- 43/29 January, 88/71 July
  • Traffic congestion -- 10th worst gridlock in U.S.
Washington is centrally located, is filled with historic attractions and has some of the most beautiful neighborhoods in the country. It also has one of the highest effective local income tax rates in the country. The district taxes the first $10,000 of income at 4 percent, then 6 percent to $40,000, then 8.5 percent on all income over $40,000 (you can exempt up to $3,000 in retirement income).

Like other cities on this list, Washington sports a high cost of living and some of the highest housing prices in the country. The area also has its share of toll roads, and traffic is a recurring problem. This is especially troublesome during the holidays and summer months. Interstate 95 -- which bisects the metro area -- is the principal travel corridor between the Northeast and Florida. Making traffic matters worse: the near-permanent road construction projects.
  • Cost of living -- 136.4
  • State tax burden -- 11.2 percent
  • Median house price -- $456,000
  • Climate -- 68/48 January, 83/64 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Worst gridlock in U.S.
As recently as the 1970s, Los Angeles was widely viewed as the city that all America was looking to move to -- or at least to imitate. Perfect weather, endless beaches, palm tree-lined streets, plentiful housing, a powerhouse economy and the lure of rubbing elbows with a celebrity or two. Today, about the only things L.A. has going for it are near-perfect weather and In-N-Out Burger. The rest is mostly a faded memory. The city's success was, in fact, a key contributor to its decline: The near-doubling of the metro population since the 1970s has created East Coast levels of human congestion.

Property values are higher than New York's and nearly twice those of Chicago. The state and local tax burden in California is second only to New York, and the overall cost of living in L.A. is more than one-third higher than the national average. California's unfunded pension liabilities are nearly as high as those in Illinois, threatening serious tax increases that could squeeze retirees. Nagging quality of life issues include the worst traffic congestion in the nation and smog that could lead to higher medical costs.
  • Cost of living -- 132.5
  • State tax burden -- 10.4 percent
  • Median house price -- $370,000
  • Climate -- 36/22 January, 81/65 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Ninth worst gridlock in U.S.
Boston is the quaintest large city in America, sporting centuries-old but impeccably maintained architecture, neighborhoods and surrounding communities that just ooze with charm and close access to the beaches of Cape Cod and the mountains of Vermont and New Hampshire. If Boston were a less expensive place to live, it could well be an popular and smart retirement destination.

But it isn't. The high cost of living and high housing prices are the main reasons cited by former residents for leaving the state. The state tax burden is higher than the national average; the cost of living is about one-third higher than the national average; and house prices are nearly double the U.S. median. Translation: a large chunk of your retirement income would be spent just covering basic living expenses.
  • Cost of living -- 116.9
  • State tax burden - 10.2 percent
  • Median house price -- $247,000
  • Climate -- 32/18 January, 84/68 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Didn't make the Forbes list
Based on the numbers, Chicago wouldn't seem to be the retirement financial disaster that other cities on this list are. The state tax burden is only slightly higher than the national average; the cost of living is tolerably higher than the U.S. average; and house prices -- while higher than the nation in general -- are downright affordable compared to the coastal cities.

However, in addition to being a generally more expensive place to live than the nation at large, the area faces burgeoning problems just over the horizon. Illinois faces the highest unfunded pension obligations of any other state in the country, at around $100 billion. Chicago faces a nation-leading $20 billion unfunded pension liability. Such deficits scream out for higher taxes across the board. We can only speculate as to which taxes will be raised (or created).
  • Cost of living -- 216.7 Manhattan, 145.7 Nassau County
  • State tax burden -- 12.8 percent
  • Median house price -- $972,000 Manhattan, $440,000 Nassau County
  • Climate -- 38/27 January, 84/69 July
  • Traffic congestion -- Fifth worst gridlock in U.S.
The area has fantastic amenities -– theater, music, concerts, festivals, ethnic foods, diverse and quaint neighborhoods and close access to beaches and mountains. It also has probably the most comprehensive public transportation system in the U.S. But it breaks down spectacularly when it comes to the costs. The area has close to the highest cost of living in the country, which gets markedly worse the closer you are to Manhattan. House prices are out of sight, particularly in the more desirable communities and neighborhoods. New York State has the highest state and local tax burden in the country. New Jersey has the highest real estate tax burden in the country. And nearby Connecticut isn't much better.

Weather runs from winter-time deep freezes to protracted summer heat waves. The preponderance of bridges, tunnels and their tolls -- as well as antiquated roads running through quaint town centers -- makes congestion a constant problem, even on the weekends.
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