Secrets of the CIA Cafeteria Bared!

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Why isn't WikiLeaks all over this story?

It took MuckRock, another website devoted to the disclosure of records that ought to be known to the public but aren't, to really probe inside the shadowy world of CIA headquarters in Washington, D.C.

A contributor to the site used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain these hitherto-secret documents.

Here's what it discovered: In a world filled with duplicity and terror, our nation's top secret agents still concentrate on the essentials. Like the food in their company cafeteria.

The documents released record complaints (and a few kudos) from CIA personnel to cafeteria management going back to 2011. The email feedback includes these gems.

(Editor's note: Some complaints have been edited for the sake of brevity and style. Also, good grammar is not a requisite for employment by the CIA.)
  • Beef Stroganoff is not an appropriate choice on a menu of supposedly Russian cuisine. If you'd ever been to Russia, you would know that Beef Stroganoff is an Americanized concoction.
  • The replacement of individual portions of ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise with jumbo pump-box dispensers of these condiments needs to be reconsidered. Or at least put out some of those little paper cups to squirt the condiments into.
  • Geez, where did you get that kielbasa? It was disgusting!
  • A chicken entrée identified as a quarter-chicken white-meat portion must include both a breast and a thigh. The wing was wrongfully omitted from my lunch. This is not acceptable.

Best of all was this probing analysis of the contents of a dish called a Jazz Salad, from a scrupulously honest grape-loving CIA professional. The following is verbatim from the email complaint:

"Hi -- I've sent comments about the jazz salads being misadvertised before, but yesterday takes the cake. The Jazz Salad was supposed to be a Sonoma Grape and Prosciutto Salad. This was advertised on the on-line menu, and on the sign above the salad (sometimes they are different). This is one of my favorites, so I stand in line and notice there are no grapes. Grapes are in the title of the salad. I asked about them, and the server pointed to the cherry tomatos [sic], said they were red grapes. I said, 'no, those are tomatos [sic] sooo should I just get grapes from the salad bar'. She didn't really give an opinion-but I did get grapes from the salad bar, and I did tell the cashier about it (she asked me to write a note -- I hope you got the note). I do not condone putting salad bar items into a Jazz salad (I have been known to get a separate container for salad bar items to add to my jazz salad) but felt justified in this case.

However, when an item is in the title of the Jazz Salad, please make an effort to include this item in the actual salad. Thank you."

One final revelation: It seems that there is a secret Burger King operating inside the halls of the CIA. But -- you're not going to believe this one -- it doesn't offer the dollar menu!
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