Crazy Excuses To Escape Work

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What bugs you the most about your job? And what crazy excuses would you give to escape your office? These were the questions that the corporate research consultancy Wakefield Associates explored in an online survey of 1,013 office workers for Citrix, a Fort Lauderdale-based tech company.

In an era of high unemployment, when many are pounding the pavement desperate for work, it turns out many of those who do have steady employment actually feel miserable. So crummy that a recent survey found that one of out of every two workers are ready to quit their job. "The job market is like A Tale of Two Cities -- the Wall Street guys and CEOs make billions and the rest of us can't figure out how we got stuck in those damn cubicles," writes Adam Chromy and Jill Morris on their the website, Please Fire Me. (Chromy and Morris wrote an accompanying book.) The two also pose the question, have we really advanced at all past the assembly line, even with all our digital technology?

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Indeed, the results from the Citrix study demonstrate that no aspect of the workday grind doesn't drag down workers in 2012. (Though, it must be noted, that workers' feelings toward their paychecks weren't explored.) Their complaints fall into three categories:

  • Annoying colleagues. About 1 in 2 (49 percent) report working with a know-it-all. About the same number (44 percent) gripe that they have to deal with a co-worker who is a "whiner." Slightly less (40 percent) are annoyed by a "gossip" in their office.
  • Bad bosses. Nearly 1 in 3 (30 percent) schedule vacation time so that they see their boss as little as possible. About 1 in 5 (21 percent) say they are in greater need of a break from their boss than their actual job.
  • Dreadful company events. The vast majority (74 percent) say they hated at least one event hosted by their employer. About 1 in 3 (34 percent) resented participating in costume contests, while 31 percent cited the team-building activities. For men, office baby showers were awful (42 percent), while women hated the staff photos (31 percent).

And so, perhaps it's not surprising that people tell some pretty tall tales to get out of work. But here are 10 really ridiculous excuses people gave for not showing up, according to this fairly unscientific survey.

  1. "My numerologist told me not to come in."
  2. "It's Elvis' birthday."
  3. "I'm having toenail issues."
  4. "My bicycle ran out of gas."
  5. "I'm dieting."
  6. "Gas is too expensive."
  7. "I drank too much Sunkist and was too tired to come in."
  8. "Dog sprayed by a skunk."
  9. "All my clothes are in the washer now, I have nothing to wear."
  10. "I had to see where my gardener was really planting everything that I wanted and paid for."

How much do you hate your job? And what lies have you told to get out of work? Share in the comments section below.

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