Adventure Activities in Boston -- Try if You Dare

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Boston is a fun city to gamble one's holiday on by taking needless and dangerous risks, and adventure activities. The more daring type would prefer to hit the city like an invading Khan, and then go home and tell your friends that you basically ran Boston while you were there.

Boston is a very fine place for a normal vacation. It is America's oldest big city. The American Revolution began here. The Boston sports arenas are held as hallowed ground among sports fans. Harvard is within the city limits. We have fine museums, aquariums, theaters, and shopping. If you want that kind of vacation, Boston is a tremendous destination.

Of course, if you wanted that kind of vacation, you wouldn't be reading an article with this title. Here are five adventure activities we dare you to accomplish in Boston, Massachusetts :

1. Eat a giant crustacean


What kind of man are you if you go to Boston and don't try to break the world lobster-eating record? In fact, what kind of woman are you? The record is 38 lobsters (9.8 pounds of lobster meat) in 12 minutes, and it was set by a competitive eating specialist named Sonya Thomas.

True competitions with lobster consumption are few and far between. I suggest utilizing some panache and making a rogue attempt at the title. Go to Legal Seafood in the waterfront area, near the Boston Aquarium. Make reservations to secure a table large enough to host the Camelot knights, but sit at it by yourself. Loudly announce your intention to break the record. Put on a bib, get out your credit card, and take your best shot at it.

www.legalseafoods.com
Location: 255 State St.
617-742-5300

2. Root, root, root for the wrong team


People in Boston love the Red Sox baseball club. They hate the New York Yankees, who have generally beaten them down over the last 120 years or so. If you know someone from Boston who is about 40 years old and has never had a parent, sibling, or child die in their lifetime, 50 percent of them would list "The Bucky Dent Home Run In 1978" as the worst thing that ever happened to them. Others will list the Bill Buckner fielding error, but you see where I'm going with this.

Hating the Yankees is ingrained very deeply in the culture and subconscious of the locals. It's catchy, too -- I moved to Massachusetts from France as a child, and had never seen baseball... but by the end of my first summer here, I hated the Yankees. I think they do Orwellian subliminal anti-Yankees stuff on the local TV news or something.

Get some tickets to the Red Sox game at Fenway Park. Show up very early for the game dressed in full New York Yankee regalia. Set up a little kiosk near Fenway, and loudly disparage the Red Sox as fans arrive for the game. Yell inflammatory stuff like, "Ted Williams was a communist," and "Big Papi is wearing woman's underwear under his uniform, and I HAVE PROOF!"

For a scale of reference on the anti-Yankees thing: A few summers ago, a man was taken out of his car and beaten with a baseball bat for wearing Yankees gear where I live. This wasn't outside Fenway Park... this was in ritzy Hyannis, Massachusetts, perhaps five minutes from the Kennedy Compound. I'd have intervened to stop the beating, but I would have had to put down the bat.

mlb.mlb.com
Location: 4 Yawkey Way
877-733-7699


3. Go where everybody loathes your name


The bar that the 'Cheers' television show was based on still stands in Boston. It's called The Bull And Finch Tavern, and it's a bit of a tourist trap. It is somewhat disappointing. The bartender isn't an ex-Red Sox pitcher, nor is there a silly mailman or a pompous Brahmin psychiatrist to entertain you with their antics.

Liven up this otherwise lame scene by drinking there all day, while seated as far from the door as you can sit. Any time someone comes in, scream "Norm!!!!" Simple enough dare, no? Now do it over and over again, to every single person who walks in, with the same intensity of greeting, as you keep drinking there for eight hours.

It'll be funny the first time you do it, annoying the second time, and after that you'll be gambling with your physical health.

www.cheersboston.com
Location: 84 Beacon St.
617-227-9605


4. Follow in Paul Revere's path


This is another adventure activity in Boston you might want to try. Re-create the midnight ride of Paul Revere in modern times: Go from Charlestown to Lexington, warning the colonists of an impending English infantry assault. Since horses are hard to find these days, use a Harley Davidson motorcycle -- Paul Revere doesn't ride no rice burner, pilgrim. Since motorcycles are loud, amplify your voice with one of those megaphones that you see people using to address the crowd at large protests.

Staying true to the historical aspects of Revere's ride, you'll have to start very late at night. Keep the Harley rumbling in a low gear, as horses didn't go 110 mph back then. Warn each and every house along the route. Remember that Paul Revere was eventually apprehended by the authorities, as you most likely will be. I'd recommend the insanity defense.

If you somehow escape prosecution from the police and retribution from the people you awaken at 3AM in a maelstrom of horsepower and audio amplification, park at the Bunker Hill monument and defend it from the British with either a Super Soaker or, weather permitting, snowballs. How to identify the British? "If they look at you funny, they're British... if they don't look at you funny, they're English."

Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes.

www.cityofboston.gov/freedomtrail
Location of monument: Monument Square, Charlestown


5.Take to the streets


Boston is home to the worst drivers in the United States. We don't win the accident-rate contest every year, but we win it a lot of years. The years we don't win it, we place highly. Over the years, a pattern of dominance is established. You'd think one of the NASCAR cities would have worse drivers, but -- no! People are mean here, and they play for keeps when driving around. Shoot... even I drive with an axehandle under my front seat, and I'm a soccer mom. Finding a great adventure activity in Boston is as simple as getting in the car.


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