Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: Miami Edition

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Today we have some really scary Craigslist Nightmares for you. We'll meet a pair of Florida swingers looking for an open-minded female roommate; a pimp who is willing to exchange rent if you work for him; a guy who is not willing to exchange sex for free rent, which leads me to believe that he would; and some weird Stepford-Wives situation involving bunk beds.

The Ad:
$125 Low to little rent for the right female roommate (Pomapno)

We DO smoke cigs inside, so if this is a problem, please do not contact us. We are also social drinkers, happy hours at the great pool in our backyard. Here is our major concern, we are a very open-minded couple in our relationship, and I mean our sex life, so we need an open minded woman who does not mind our lifestyle as we do entertain at home. We would love to find a like minded woman to even join us, but this is not a requirement, but your exceptance of this lifestyle is, and also your discretion. We are drama free, lots of fun, very nice, polite and with good basic manners and seek the same. We are 49 but your age is not as important as your maturity. We have a lot to offer the right woman with the right attitude and goals, friendship, help and support. Please respond with a pic and tell us why this arrangement would be appealing to you. We are looking for a long term roommate, and not looking for users..Cleanliness and neatness is what we desire, around the house and yourself please. Lastly we do have a 16 lb dog here, very friendly and cute, so no pets please,


Our Take:
Hey-hey! Your new roommates are Florida swingers! They want you to move in and swing with them (the Mr. and the Mrs.) Imagine wanting a quiet evening in and it's disrupted by a few of their friends popping over for.......swinging! And not only are they swingers, but they are swingers that smoke in the house and have a large dog. Enjoy your new "lifestyle."

The Ad:
$1 FEMALES FREE ROOM WITH A JOB...START WORKING TODAY..305-613-1481 (MIAMI BEACH)
$1 FEMALES FREE ROOM WITH A JOB...START WORKING TODAY.
FEMALES GET PAID TO GO TO HIGH END CLUBS AND EVENTS TO HANG OUT AND DRINK FOR FREE......................

HIRING SEXY FEMALE ACTRESS, PROMOTIONAL MODELS, EXOTICS DANCERS, MASSAGE THERAPISTS, BODY RUB GIRLS, GO-GO DANCERS, MAIDS, PHONE SEX

OPERATORS & HOSTESS, RENT A DATE GIRLS, BIKINI AND LINGERIE MODELS


Our Take:
Welcome to the world of prostitution. Yes, it's true, you will have a room with a job as well as a new Mack Daddy to take care of you. You will also be living in a brothel. What's the lease agreement on the $1 a month rent?

The Ad:
$300 a situation (vero beach)
We are a gay couple that have two homes one in Vero Beach and the other in Palm Beach. We are looking to have someone pay 300 a month and that really just covers the expenses of the Vero Beach house. We only go there once a month and we are looking for a cute young guy possibly if you have a girlfriend thats cool too but you both need to be gay friendly. A bi sexual male would definetly be able to fill this position. This house has been totally remodeled all new windows all new doors all new carpets and a huge privacy fence around the property!!!!!!!!


Our Take:
The huge privacy fence around the property is the first red flag. The request for a cute guy where it gets a little bit creepy too. The only key piece of information missing is that they have hidden cameras in each room to watch your every move.

The Ad:
$300 Share House at Discount Females Preferred (Hollywood)
Perfect for single female students without children looking to save some money, or on tight budget. YOU MUST BE COMPUTER LITERATE and adhere to certain rules because since you are sharing a house, everything must be done orderly so that you may live peacefully. No Drugs, or Alcohol. The house has 2 rooms and one bathroom, and the rooms are set up with bunk beds. 2 persons per room. You will be given limited space for personal belongings. The tradeoff for such a discount, is keeping the house clean, trading off chores, and dedicating 2 hours every day placing ads on internet. There is no obscenety or sexual tradeoffs expected whatsoever, nor the intent for such in the future. Your dignity will be 100% respected. Contact Ralph at email link. Thanks.


Our Take:
Why do you need to computer literate and why is that in ALL CAPS!? And why the hell are the rooms set up with bunk beds? Will you be bunking with someone as well with the limited space for your belongs? The creepy line that gets me is "Your dignity will be 100% respected." That says to me, "Your dignity will not be 100% respected." What is Ralph up to here? Is he trying to harvest a household of Stepford Wives? Or is this the reorganization of the Heaven's Gate cult, where the rent will reduce once you board the Mothership?


For more Craigslist Roommate Nightmares click here.
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