Should You Shack-Up? 5 Questions to Ask Before Moving In Together

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The Real-Life Example

Are You ready to move in with a girlfriend/boyfriend? If you're like me, your parents are completely against it. If you're like my then-boyfriend, you see moving in together as a necessary next step in a relationship. For him, it was a way to test out the relationship and take a baby step towards marriage. He'd seen too many family divorces and didn't want to be the next. I came from a hyper-traditional upbringing where it was always frowned upon. How did we resolve?



Well, I gave in. But I was ready, not as traditional as my family, and excited to move forward. (But definitely not excited to break the news to my parents.) But for us, all signs pointed to yes:

  • We were committed
  • We had common values and interests
  • The timing was right in both of our lives

It made sense for us and turned out to be the right choice: We're now happily married and on our third apartment together.

The Warning

Statistically, we're in the minority. Studies have found that there are considerably higher rates of divorce among couples who've lived together. According to Discovery Health, one of the reasons may be because people willing to cohabit may also be more willing to divorce. Here's the trick: When you're living with someone, it's almost easier to get married than it is to break up and move out. So keep that in mind if you casually move in with someone. Breaking up gets even stickier when there's a lease involved. And you can pretty much forget ever getting your favorite sweatshirt back.


The 5 Questions to Ask

To Move In or Not to Move In together. That's often the question if you've been dating a year or more. But the answer can be complicated. It's hard to generalize about the perfect answer for everyone since all relationships are different, but there are a few key indicators. Here are a few questions that might help you make the big decision:

  1. Are you committed?
  2. Do you have the same expectations for the relationship?
  3. Do you share common values? From spirituality to cleanliness.
  4. Are you in the same phase of life? If they want to party and you want to study, it ain't going to be fun.
  5. Do I want to get into a legal, binding agreement with this person? Love heals all wounds but won't get you out of debt. Make sure they're financially responsible, or you're willing to cover the rent.

Want to know what guys say about living together? To read our post on the topic click here.

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